Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
