the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
