Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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