so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
