Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
