Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
