Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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