would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
