the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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