I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
