I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
