Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
