Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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