Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
