he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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