I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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