You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
