Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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