I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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