Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
