i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
