Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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