she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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