dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
