this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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