I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
