Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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