Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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