I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
