I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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