All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she told me i tasted like america
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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