Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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