Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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