Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there's paper in my vomit.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
