It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
