based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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