Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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