I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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