First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
