They should really pass out barf bags in church
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
should my penis look like a turkey
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
