no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
