Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
