Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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