You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
