you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
