I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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