Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
