Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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