Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
