so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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