Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
