maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
someone owes me an orgasm
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
