he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
