went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
