I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
