after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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