you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
