It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
