Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
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Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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