im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I will be naked everywhere
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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