if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
