Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
