She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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