I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
