He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
