but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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