Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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