The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
