So drunk its hurt
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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