He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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