Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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