Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Four minutes until I can fart!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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