roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
