And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
