I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize