My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
