That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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