I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
