wakey wakey hands off snakey
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
